Gandhi’s ever powerful quote – “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – never ceases to inspire me. And chide me.

Like everyone, I am conditioned by my upbringing and value, so I must continually urge myself (and other men) to examine how this conditioning affects the changes we want to personally make. My observation over the years is that most organizational change efforts related to diversity equity come up short if they do not also include concurrent personal change efforts for leaders. Over the last 20 years, as I’ve worked with courageous leaders, I have focused on personal change that are helpful in cultivating inclusive cultures that work for everyone.

Gender role conditioning is particularly challenging.

Qualities and/or behaviors that are ascribed to a particular gender as the norm for that gender can easily lull us into insensitivity, and worse. For instance, men are often assumed to be assertive and this gets labeled as being a strong leader. Sometimes women exhibiting the same behavior get labeled as bossy or the other “B word.” Women are often assumed to be more nurturing than men and as a result have been criticized as not being tough enough for big leadership roles. Men likewise are sometimes assumed to not be caring of other’s feelings. Gender role conditioning can limit the range of expression, behavior and emotion that is expected of a person.

Our society has often put values on specific behaviors and attributes that are different for both little boys and little girls. This gender role conditioning sometimes plays a huge part in how children grow up and what life choices they make. It has been said that little boys are often subconsciously motivated by parents and teachers to participate in more masculine activities and to focus toward math and science in academics, while little girls were often motivated in the same ways to lean towards more literature or reading type academics. This is a contributing factor to the fact that for many generations the field of science has been essentially dominated by men. There is now more awareness of this issue of gender conditioning and there are scholarships and organizations pushing for women to engage more in STEM academics in school and to pursue careers in engineering and computer science. The issue isn’t necessarily solved yet though. It requires change on everyone’s part, not just those who feel the system works against them.

Do you notice gender barriers in your own workplace?

Today, there are still inequities in the work place today between men and women and even people of color as well. You can change that by being a full participant and partner for diversity and inclusion in your work life by not accepting gender barriers and limitations. As a white man you can be an ally to others. Understand that by eliminating gender barriers, you will help to eliminate the norms that suggest a man cannot be vulnerable when he needs to be and can freely express feelings without being judged as non-masculine.

Try to create a support system in this journey. Other people want more equality and fewer limitations based on their genders or races. Have discussions that may be uncomfortable but essentially will unmask some of the unspoken norms that don’t benefit you or your gender. It doesn’t need to be fixed right away, but speaking on these issues is what is important to bring attention to it again and again. There have been mistakes made through history and there will continue to be mistakes. More importantly though, through these mistakes comes growth, improvement and more possibilities for everyone. Extract from a MARC blog August, 2012.